THE CANNON'S

THE CANNON'S
Mission Pic

Sunday, December 12, 2010

This must be heaven letter-mom/Shir #13 late I know







Letter #13
Living room of James and Wynn
Oct. 10, 2010

Hello dear ones I love so much,

This must be heaven. Currently I am sitting in a chair next to baby Acadia, 10 days old today. She is sitting in a little seat in the late afternoon sun that streams through the window. A very lovely time of the day here on North St. Wynn sits across from me and she is playing a song sung by the Tab. Choir, "I Feel My Savior's Love" on her computer. Beautiful. It is still, quiet and peaceful here. James is on the computer. I am writing, so all that I feel here is peace, love, gratitude, more gratitude, and JOY. It is a pleasant room with very old, wonderful wood floors that squeak when you walk upon them. I would love to know what they are trying to tell us. Maybe that I need to lose some weight? It is an old wonderful home. The sun is coming through the window and they have a light catcher or light disperser. I think I made that word up. It is a device that is run by the sun, solar. It has two crystals hanging from it and they twist and turn with the sun's fueling power. As the sun hits it, it sends out myriads of tiny light fairies, that dance about. They look like tiny rainbows everywhere. They gently sparkle on the walls everywhere. That is a very poor explanation of this room, but just know, it is so pleasant, kind of like heaven will be.

I just heard a little squeak and sneeze from Acadia. She is now stirring. A sweet, petite hiccup, a little sigh, a giggle, a smile, a chortle. Then, her mom stops her computer thing, looks at the baby and says, "OK, that's it, you are just too cute". Then Wynn gets up and scoops that beautiful bundle up in her arms and cradles her in her arms. Wynn is now staring at Acadia with a huge grin on her face. Nothing said, just love between the two.Her tiny hands opening and closing in slow motion. Then a very loud grunt from such a tiny thing. She makes so many funny faces, sticks out her tongue and stretches, kind of like a cat does. She loves to arch her back and hang her head backwards. She is slow and methodical in all she does. Very deliberate. She is trying to reach for things. She turns on her side and is very strong. She got a hold of my camera strap and would not let go. It was seriously the death grip. She is tiny but oh so mighty. However at the rate she is gaining weight, she will not be tiny for long. Wynn is a walking milk bottle and is such a conscientious, tender, dear, loving mother. James is equally tender and confident in his care of their new baby girl. They are wonderful parents and Acadia Gray Stewart is one very blessed baby. She has been granted the blessing of growing up in a home where love abounds, the Gospel is the foundation of their lives and her folks know how they want to raise her. I am grateful for this.

As I look back on the past 11 days I have been here it seems like a dream. It has gone by much too quickly. I dread tomorrow as I think I might be leaving. I hate to go. As I write I am fighting back the tears. I really need to get a grip. Seriously, I wish I could learn to control these tears of mine. When it comes to my family and feeling the spirit, I feel I am very bad at controlling my eye plumbing. It is very annoying. I know Wynn is fine with me leaving, it is me. I am the baby here but I need to get back. I love the mission and what we are doing but nothing takes the place of family. Oh great, now the Tab. Choir is singing that song, turn around and your a young girl.....where are you going my little one....that makes me bawl as well as I watch Wynn kissing and cuddling this baby. It seems that is was just yesterday I was doing the same with my babies. It goes so fast. I loved that time in my life. It is such a sacred, joyous time of life. Babies bring into our lives so much love and oh yes, I almost forgot, so much exhaustion. OK, I feel better now that I remember the fatigue, and the dark circles under my eyes for 6 months. However, may I say that Wynn and James look pretty good. Parenthood becomes them.

I find it hard to express in words the experience I have had in the last 12 days. It has been sacred, joyous, tense at times during labor (for me anyway), surreal, celestial and wonderful all rolled into one large emotion. I was privileged to be present during the entire labor and delivery of our new baby. It was such a miracle for me to have witnessed the birth of this tiny baby. To watch Wynn go through what she did, and so valiantly and bravely. It was truly a celestial experience if I may use that terminology. I will let Wynn and James tell their own story but I watched those two work through the tough contractions together. James always at Wynn's side. Never left her for a second. I saw so many "types" through this process. I saw that, just as Christ, when he had to suffer in Gethsemane, asked a few to go with him, to wait with him. He needed their support and yet they slept. But He needed them to just BE. To be there, so that He was not alone as He suffered. Not to the extent of course of our Savior's suffering, but Wynn had to go through her level of suffering in order to give new life. James was there with her. Always attending to her, not being able to take the pain, but there. He was a great support. And as Wynn gave new life to that baby through her suffering so Christ gave us new life, a spiritual rebirth through the Atonement. As I sat and watched Wynn, so many times I wanted to jump up and try to go over and help. But I had to sit, and wait and watch. I can't imagine how our Father in Heaven felt as He watched His only Begotten Son suffer for all mankind. Even though it was difficult for me to watch, I had full confidence in Wynn. I knew she could and had to do this on her own. She had prepared and was willing to go through what she had to.The price had to be paid. Justice and Mercy. Pain, then, the baby. This all makes so much sense to me. This is the closest I have come to understanding our Father in Heaven and our Lord and Savior. To getting a tiny glimpse of the suffering and the love. To understanding that our kids must go through hard things and we can't always save them or make things better. I first understood this when Ben and Em lost our dear Andi. I watched on the sidelines as those two valiant parents suffered with grace and strength as I have never seen. I will ever be grateful for the sacred honor it was for dad and I to be present. It is all part of Heavenly Father's great plan. I have rambled far too long. I don't even know if any of this makes any sense to anyone else, but it does to me. I am beyond grateful.

On another, lighter note, I just heard a sound that we have heard so many times in the past 12 days. A sound that makes us all shutter. A sound that makes us all want play do rock, paper scissors. A huge blow out. Wynn and I looked at each other and I asked if she wanted me to change her...."No I will do it." Oh wait....but then another loud sound filled the air. Even louder than the first. Wynn said, "I don't even want to open this one up". And when she is opened up, or the diaper that is, it triggers a reflex to pee, again, in a perfect arch. And most times, another poopy. Acadia has an amazing ability to project enormous amounts of yellow, seedy baby poop with such force as I have not experienced except for once when Clara projected about four feet onto the carpet. This, to me is hilarious.That is because How can such a tiny thing expel with such force. Oh, but then we know her plumbing is working most perfectly. For that we are grateful.

Well, enough baby talk. I am now typing with one hand as I am holding miss precious. This makes me long for Clara and Eli. Grand children are the frosting on the cake...the bee's knees or whatever else explains pure bliss.

I love and miss each and every one of you!

love,

mom/Shir/Soeur Cannon

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